Conquering The City

Today I realized that I have succeeded in the [one of the many] impossible. I have created a community, my community in The City. The Big Bad City... NYC. In a matter of months I have created a norm in a city with little norm. I have found regulars in a city with few regulars. I found a pathway through thousands of streets. I am now at peace with this city.

When I came here at the very end of August I had no community. I had a school, with no one recognizable, I had streets to get lost in, with no familiarities, no regulars. It was enticing, but more than that it was terrifying! I wanted to run back to my norms. And in a way I did, every weekend, I ran back to Philly on the $20 roundtrip 'China Busses'.

Somehow I started to stay a couple weekends. I switched roommates and felt more at home. All of the parents kept saying "Don't worry, by the end of the winter brake you'll want to go back." I couldn't believe them. Now, although I am not sure I'll want to be running back to school work and a second semester, at least I'll have something to come back to.

I've made friends that may last a lifetime. I walk to class and recognize people; the security guards, the man who owns the stand (who gives me free food almost every day now) on the corner of my block, the doormen to a couple of apartment buildings, students that attend my college.

Wearing: Little Black Dress (H&M $ around 20), Black Sweater (H&M $10), Silver Microfiber Tights (Calvin Kein $12), Red Boots (Eternity Fashion $ around 70), Black G-Shock (online $ around 40).

Hello My Name Is: FINALS!!

Brrr---It's Getting Chilly

I believe I have a coat fetish, I have about eight right now, and thats just in my dorm, which is a shared room and is about 12'x12'... i.e. a closet. It has been pretty cold out so I've switched from my makeshift army green, fur collared, semi warm coat to my gold lamé and white faux fur reversible (!) winterish coat [pictured above].  I wear the fur in the inside... don't worry. 

I have my last busy week this week. Three 10 page papers, some journal entries and a hebrew final. Surprisingly I am not really stressing that much, I am looking forward to my longer than a month brake though!

Plans for the brake:

1. Maho Bay! Yes, I'll be getting my island fix between Christmas and New Years.

2. My birthday! New Years Eve...no plans yet.

3. Family & Friends time.

4. Sketching and doing some D.I.Y. designing. 

& photo-shoot with Asha Kati.

5. Possibly driving to North Carolina...again...don't ask.

6. Single life, ...fun... (catch the sarcasm, I'm working on that).

7. Catch up with some old friends, party, shop, relaxxx...

I fell asleep last night with another one of my feelings of enlightenment, they seem to be more and more normal lately. But just as a note to myself, my real No. 1 plan for my brake is to love and take care of myself, its really been a long semester and I deserve this. I want to keep going to the gym, eating healthy, start and finish projects, do things that make me smile and keep people around me that really treat me well and add to my happiness.

P.S. Probably go back on FB after this week, just clean it of anything unnecessary and limit my use.

Hello My Name Is: 5 Days till Brake!

Broken Phones & Window Shopping

[old photo]

Listening to Kid Cudi (/ iTunes on shuffel) * if I die today the last thing you remember won't be about some apple bottom jeans with the boots with the fur * - Cudi

Broke my phone this week... Not so nice, but what can you do.

I actually broke it when I tripped and fell walking around NYC, my first trip in The City. Tripping is actually a huge fear of mine... self conscious thing I guess... It wasn't a bad trip, my phone was in my hand and I caught myself with that hand and broke the screen.

I never laugh at people when they trip.

I was showing my best friend around The City and we were window shopping down Broadway in SoHo, I decided that over my [longer than a] month brake I am going to do some designing. As you may already know I am a strong supporter of thrift stores, especially the Salvation Army at my corner! Who can not like getting D&G, Armani, vintage Neiman Marcus, Hilfiger blazers and much much more all for no more then $10. So, over brake I'm going to DIY/alter some clothing I grab at cheap thrift stores and make it totally in style... Some things I want to recreate:

I'll just save up a little, head to some art/sewing supply stores, maybe order some studs from Studs And Spikes and get started.

Hello My Name Is: D.I.Y.

Right Side of My Brain

I have found the perfect song: "Right Side of My Brain" by The Dream

Lyrics-

[verse 1]
you touch me baby, then you untouch me baby
you feed me your lies, words like pie
you want me baby, then you unwant me baby
outsmart me baby, now im all crazy

[hook]
but i should be ashamed cause i
let you do me this way and its
unfortunate, that when your in love
you never use

[chorus]
the right side of your brain
...

[verse 2] 

you loved me baby, unlove me baby
you lead me on, you lock the doors on love's home
you heart me baby, then you hardly baby
you need me baby, and then you send me gone
you say im your friend, up until the end
when you tell it baby, you know how to sell it baby
(Dontcha?)

[hook]
but i should be ashamed cause i
let you treat me this way cant lie its
unfortunate to say that love
never lets me use

[chorus]
the right side of my brain
...
[verse 3]
you love me baby, unlove me baby
let me be, set me free
come near me baby, im not near you baby
you say im your friend, then why are we at the end?

[hook]
well i should be ashamed cause i
let you do me this way
and i know that all this time i
should've been usin'

[chorus]
the right side of my brain

I think it's kind of amazing, I've actually been refraining from listening to my Ipod lately because so many songs remind you and not in a positive way, but then your just flipping through your music on shuffle and the perfect song for your life comes on.

I've been a lot happier. My friend came up this weekend and unlike everyone who wants to talk about it and give their input (which I don't always mind), she didn't want to hear it, talk about it and when she caught me staring into space would tell me to "stop thinking." It was a nice change.

Now back to school, two more weeks, lots of work!

Came across some old photos I took a couple of months ago, and this weekends slush storm definitely calls for them, enjoy!

Oh, how I love West Philly.

Hello My Name Is: Recovering.

Dreaming With a Broken Heart [Day 18 or 17, lost track, but Facebook has been deleted]

It's truly amazing the roller coasters I go through. They amaze me more and more with each twist and turn. How they have the full capability to take me from my highest to my lowest in a matter of hours.

I am single.

I will choose to live by "all things happen for a reason" at this moment of my roller coaster ride. I think for me there really ended up being one way to get out of the "relationship" I was in, and that happened and this could end up being truly positive for me.

Hate is a strong word, I agree.

Yesterday I went to Yoga for the People and cried, it was raining out so it ended up working perfectly.

We get attached to people, whether they are good or bad for us it doesn't always seem to matter. Three years is a especially long time to get attatched. I fell asleep signing Cristina Aguilera and figured out my goal for the next chapter of my life:

I am going to learn to love and trust myself again.

I'll start by buying a new journal, because with each chapter of my life I find it best to start from fresh, not having those previous pages filled with prior emotions. Maybe try going to yoga a little more, do great on all of my finals, maybe drink a little this weekend, and find some great music to scream! (any suggestions besides this John Mayer, "Killing Me Softly" & "Cry Me a River")

My mother is going to be in The City today, thank God.

To all of my loved ones reading this: I'm okay. Just ridding this roller coaster. I love you. Feel free to call.

Hello My Name Is: Fresh Start

3 am Drama! [Day 16]

Yes its 3 am right now, so I'm going to try to make this quick. I just got of of the longest phone call I've ever had with my boyfriend. First we were arguing over email for about an hour, which might I add is our only argument for the past 3 years of our relationship. Say what you want, we are officially working on it! I'm not writing to tell you our whole argument, let me just say I do feel amazing and rejuvenated right now though.

So, THE question came up. Yes, that question that you never actually realized how hard it was to answer. No, not do you love me. And no not the terrible question that follows that: Why do you love me?

But!

The question:

What is the difference (REAL difference) between a friend and a boy/girl friend?

.

.

.

.

Think about it.

Okay so I can guess what your thinking right now.

A girl/boy friend is always there for you, you can tell them anything, they are a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk about anything with.

Yes this is true.

But is that not also a description of a best friend?

So the real question is- What's the difference between a BEST friend and girl/boy friend?

Can you answer that?!

Well I looked it up on Google and the obvious dumb and upsetting responses came up:

You see your boy/girl friend naked, you kiss, hold hands differently, cuddle and possibly have sex with your boy/girl friend.

That was upsetting to me, I didn't want that to be the only reason! And I was definitely stumped for a while.

But, I figured it out, at least for me.

Answer: The difference is that in a relationship with a boy/girl friend, there is a sense of working togetherness, but also a sense of equality, or trying to make things equal in a relationship. At least thats what's strived for, both people want love, happiness, pleasure and wouldn't it be amazing if it could be equal for both person. In a best friend relationship this is not established. Equality is not a necessity. Your best friend actually may not always be there, also your best friend may talk your ear off complaining on the phone for an hour about their day, but after not have the attention to listen to you complain for an equal time. In boy/girl friend relationship that time would be taken, and thats why those phone bills get so darn big.

Now best friends I'm not saying your not there for me! But, that is the difference!

& hey, who knows this could change. Hopefully it would be that equality gets established between friends and not the opposite.

Hello My Name Is: Epiphany!